a woman, her laptop and her lapdog

you can't tell me my puppy isn't jealous of my laptop

head trips

hi there


i thought if i didn't blog about it, it would go away
and not come back into my head anymore


it didn't work and it's been a week


i'm dreaming about Don but not anything in particular
i just remember him at certain times in our lives


some nights, i can't sleep because i'm flooded with memories
then i get a real tight knot in my chest and my eyes well up with those damn alligator tears


and today, it's happening during the day..... more often than before


i can't get my head around it
like i can't get my head around him being gone


no matter what anyone says or what i read, he's gone.  


i can't feel him
i don't know if he thinks about me
i don't know if he is watching me


i want to believe so many different things but....


i can't get my head around them

March 20, 2011 - weighed 4.5 lbs

April 27, 2011 - weighs 8.4 lbs

what happened to my lap dog?

i an saving up for this and for other stuff at this website. too cute

and this is too cute

and this:

jillie willie stuff is here

for Don

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere)i go you go,

for Don

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go, you go)

Pookie Update

then

and now

hi there

a couple updates:

yesterday, we took Pookie to his first day of puppy training.  Which is kind of funny, because it's us that went to school.  Pookie was the only one in his class and he knows quite abit already so we are ahead of the game.

today is day five of having a headache but this afternoon around 420, it started to ease up,  it hasn't been 420 around here for some time so could that be the trick to getting rid of my headaches?

Mine says:  Don Toyoji 12/59 - 04/11

Kasey's: Don (FUD) and dates.

FUD= favorite Uncle Don

Mom's:  Don-ko and dates

and also:

no, i don't own it YET

http://www.baghaus.com/product/Hello-Kitty-Quilted-Face-Bag-in-Black/loungefly_hello_kitty_totes

Tiger and Ashley

April 17, 2011

Pookie, Ventura Pier, April 19, 2011

"I whip my flower back and forth

I whip my ear back and forth."

Bedtime

We are home and once the car was unloaded, I opened the box and found a plastic bag packed with white ashes. I don't know what I expected. I guess I didn't think about it. Kasey warned that there may be bone fragments. My legs went weak, my heart skipped several beats and I couldn't catch my breath. All I could was bury my face in Jamie's chest and cry. When will I stop crying? When will it not hurt so much? Why don't I feel better knowing he's not in pain? Am I being selfish?

Ashes are with me now. Small box but very heavy. I'm so happy Gene was with me. I needed his hugs. I don't fell at peace yet but I don't think I ever will. Now I feel an emptiness and wish I could have done more. We are leaving soon and headed to Ventura.

Don again

I totally understand that family and friends are now feeling remorse and guilt for not keeping in touch with Don regardless of where he was.  I do understand.  What I don't understand is why this woman (Bianca, who is Don's younger son's mother's sister) is sooooooooooo concerned about how he died and how I was notified and what is going to happen to his ashes.  I've been going back and forth with her on fb messages and today I've had it.  The last conversation I had with Don about her was him saying that she only comes up as an excuse to fuck her boyfriend (she's married) and when she comes, she only talks about herself and her problems.  That's what he told me.  Am I supposed to believe that he felt different since now she's all of a sudden become one of his closest friends?  It doesn't make sense.


On another note, my brother Gene may meet us in Morro Bay.  He feels bad that he's coming now, after the fact but I think he needs to deal with it by coming with me and I can handle that.  I will not close the door on him.  He will get another chance with me and with Mom.  I hope I don't regret it.

Don

we're going to Morro Bay on Sunday.  might be our last trip.

we will be going to the mortuary on Monday to collect his remains and the prison will be mailing me all his personal effects.

not sure how i feel about this right now.

he wanted his ashes to be scattered in the mountains but for now he's staying with me for a little while.  whether he likes it or not.  then i will decide.


i would love to take him to the smokey mountains.  he would love how green everything is.

pardon my dust

playing with blog templates and learning....

geek in training

use before tossing

20 Things You Can Use Twice Before Tossing

Here’s a previously published list of ideas that has collected lots of tips from readers over time, did we miss any? Please add yours!

1. Dry Cleaning Bags: Use to pack suits, dresses and fine clothing when traveling, this will help protect it from wrinkleswhen packing. When storing the bags make sure to keep them safely out of reach of children, they really are that dangerous.
2. Butter Wrappers: Once you’ve removed a block of butter from its wrapping, place the wrapping in a plastic container or bag and refrigerate. Use it to grease baking pans.
3. Business Cards: Use the other side to label storage boxes and tubs and tape to the outside of the lid or side so you can see at a glance what the container is holding.
4. Used Envelopes: These make excellent lists for groceries, To Do lists, bookmarks and labels.
5. Cardboard Egg Cartons: You can use these to make homemade firestarters.
6. Tissue Boxes: Once they’re empty you can use these as a plastic bag dispenser, just fill with grocery bags and you’ll be able to neatly pull out one at a time.
7. Plastic Grocery Bags: Use as garbage pail liners, paint tray covers, packing material.
8. Plastic Bread Clips: Save a few of the square plastic clips that keep bread bags closed to use as tiny scrapers. They come in handy to remove labels, price tags, and even do a good job scratching lottery tickets.
9. Newspaper: Line kitty litter boxes for easy cleanup (top with kitty litter), protect work surfaces from crafts & interior paint jobs, giftwrap, use as packing material when moving or shipping.
10. Plastic Strawberry Baskets: Use as a homemade bubble machine, hold small packets in the pantry.
11. Cleaner Spray Bottles: Clean thoroughly and use to hold your homemade cleaners, use to spray plants…very important to clean thoroughly first.
12. Mesh From Veggie Bags: If you buy veggies that are bagged in nylon mesh, you can use that mesh for various cleaning jobs around the house and yard. Just wad up the bag and use it as a scrubber.
13. Styrofoam Food Trays: Clean thoroughly, wrap in foil then use as trays for giving gifts of baking.
14. Pantyhose: Use in the garden to tie plants to stakes, make shower spa bags plus there are 20 ideas found here.
15. Paper Towel Cardboard Rolls: Use to wrap extension cords, Christmas lights (keep untangled).
16. Citrus Peels: Use to make your own homemade citrus cleaners, candy peels to use in baking or freeze the peels to use for zest in recipes as needed, Save your peels from citrus fruits like lemons and oranges. You can toss them in the fire place when you have a fire going to give the room a nice, fresh smell.
17. Packing Foam Peanuts: Save them and reuse when packing breakables, storing Christmas decorations or sending gifts in the mail
18. Brown Paper Bags: Once used, twist into small rolls and use as fire starters.
19. Laundry Bottle Caps & Scoops: Wash thoroughly and use as sandbox, pool, bathtub toys or pet food scoopers (for dried food).
20. Cereal Liner Bags: Clean and use for stacking meat patties before freezing, store breadcrusts, cover food in the microwave.

you have to check these out

Kandee sent this link out today and when i can buy a new pair of shoes, i may just have to go a little wild - 

link is below pictures

reminds me of strawberry shortcake

my new fav color

basic black with a kick...

 rock n' roll

irregularchoice - shoes, purses, accessories and clothes

Doily Cookies by Bliss

you can't tell me these don't look incredibly cute!

i must try these, click here

I just realized that the shortness of breathe i've experienced since I left Don, was me trying to breath for him. Because I just noticed today, that it's gone.

onward

I think Don will be with me like he has been since he was incarcerated. When the sun warms my face. When the wind blows my hair. When the puppy licks my face.

DON December 1, 1959 - April 8, 2011

He passed away this morning and i can't remember crying so much.  i already miss him terribly.  per his doctor and his social worker, he went peacefully.  he told them he was happy he got to see his niece and that Jme and I were able to see him often these last couple of months.  he knew it was getting close and asked to stop all  medications and only continue morphine for the pain.  this morning his blood pressure was very low and he just took a nap and didn't wake up,

i keep hearing him calling me..... "Hey Ugly!" and then when i would turn around, he would say.... "why did you look or answer?"

Alan has advised the mortuary and the prison, to release his remains and personal effects to me.  We are going to have the state pay for the cremation.  the mortuary wants $1300 and i know that would piss Don off, if i spent that much money.

We'll go up in a couple weeks and get him and I will bring him home.

miscellaneous photos

the back of my head looks good in black and white

kasey's grey hair at 31 years young

he's just too precious when he's sleeping

and he likes watching tv!!!

and finally, Toyoji making his move to Winston-Salem, North Carolina !!!!

cleaning

we spent most of the day waiting for the water to be turned back on and then we cleaned.  Jamie was a trooper and tomorrow he's doing all the mirrors and the bathroom for me.  Oh my man, i love him so.

Gary's coming to dinner tomorrow night and i am happy.  i was hoping that Daliah could join us but i'm sure her schedule is busy since she starts her new job on Monday.  i will miss her.

Pookie had his third bath tonight and he was better but not great.  He gets alittle "spaz" after a bath and gets so wound up.

did i post the pictures of his first visit to the ocean?  i can't remember if i did or not.  hold on, i'll go look...

......

......

nope, i didn't, so here's some photos:

seaweed? really?

can the old man keep up with the pup?

this sand on my nose is getting uncomfortable...

LOL

a dog's gotta dig

and then there's my sunny spot he found in the bedroom window.....

what a life!

fruit tips

freezing strawberries is a good thang so click here!

Don update

i have decided not to "update" on Don anymore.

he's dying

nuff said

i don't want to document it anymore

i want both of us to move on

Pookie Update

pookie's first visit to the beach

it was so much fun except the eating of sand

i think there will not be very many pictures of moi !!!!